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I often hear women talk about how they live in fear of men, on guard against sexual pursuit, being afraid to walk to their car alone, guarding drinks from drugs etc. - but I don't really feel afraid and haven't had much bad stuff happen to me? Idk why our experiences are diff 1/

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I *have* had some concrete 'men are scary' experiences, but those really don't feel like they generalize. Like, once had a man stalk/chase me home down some deserted alleyways, but that was at 2am in Istanbul. Or a violent client, but that was cause I failed to screen. 2/

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And subtler ways men are aggressive don't feel scary to me. Catcalling? Cool, I feel safe when there's other people on the street, never had a catcaller follow me. A guy hits on me aggressively at a club? Lol, no big deal, I feel 0% threatened, what's he gonna do? 3/

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I do occasionally experience fear but those are usually very narrow and specific circumstances. Don't care when a homeless guy asks me to suck his dick, but I'll hire a bodyguard for public meetups I attend, and if I don't see other women walking alone on a street I'll nope out

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But why do I have such different experiences from other women? Why do I generally encounter men as safe? Some theories:

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1. I'm taller and/or less attractive than other women who get pursued more aggressively; men just don't find me sufficiently appealing to actually be dangerous at?

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2. Something about my body language unconsciously conveys invulnerability/fearlessness; I don't vibe as an easy target and people stay away?

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3. I am in fact being aggressed upon as much as other women, but I don't really notice it or process it as a threat or danger to me? e.g. if a guy is a lil aggro I have strong, internalized assumptions that he's not *actually* going to hurt me

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4. I am in situations that are much less dangerous on average - e.g. i go to clubs in nicer areas, less often, and get less drunk? Or I've lived in nicer areas? But I have lived in a *lot* of cities, in both nice and bad areas so ??

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5. men prefer to be aggro/scary at women only if they think the women won't like it? and i give off nice signals (e.g., saying thank-you to catcallers) that makes me less satisfying to harass?

12:01 AM · Jan 19, 2023

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Replying to

I live in London and despite it being one of the statistically worst places for something bad to happen in the UK none of my girlfriends or wives have had any bad run ins. A combination of luck of the draw and things not being as bad as people fear they are?

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Show replies

Replying to

The answer will be #2 or #3, and likely a combination of both.

Misha Gurevich, Photographer, VC, Wives 0/1

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I think a factor here is you interact with a LOT of men so you have a large amount of data about them whereas the rare bad experience is relatively far more significant to someone who doesn’t do that

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I take you seriously

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very hard to update these beliefs with such little data. a one in million chance looks the same as a one in ten thousand chance 99.99% of the time. so 1000 safe nights really doesn’t distinguish either hypothesis. i think there’s a bias towards fear cuz who’s gonna be mean.

Eddie From the Here and Now

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I think it’s a combination of 2, 3 and 5.

Replying to

Perhaps you process the threat based on current evidence. Less what may have been a threat to your great-great-great aunties in their environment. (The aunties that died or were involuntarily impregnated with inferior DNA without a provider.)

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Too little data. It could be you are brave because you have better situational awareness. It could be that you are reckless because you are overlooking potential danger. Were I you, I would find a capable woman from bad places, walk around with her, and compare what you see.

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@JacobASheppard

Replying to

The most likely answer is that you’re just an atypical female. Virtually every statistic reaffirms that women are in less danger than men IRL. The anxiety is internal. The spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about staying alive /keeping kin alive 1/2

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@TrevorW79137575

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All unlikely, the most likely is that you don't play games with male sexuality; you accept it. You repect men looking and are clear on your messaging to men; men like good clear communication and women are terrible at boundaries in general.

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If you don’t wound their ego then they will probably exhibit favorable behaviors. Declining advances in such a way is a skill

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