Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
I often hear women talk about how they live in fear of men, on guard against sexual pursuit, being afraid to walk to their car alone, guarding drinks from drugs etc. - but I don't really feel afraid and haven't had much bad stuff happen to me? Idk why our experiences are diff 1/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I *have* had some concrete 'men are scary' experiences, but those really don't feel like they generalize. Like, once had a man stalk/chase me home down some deserted alleyways, but that was at 2am in Istanbul. Or a violent client, but that was cause I failed to screen. 2/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
And subtler ways men are aggressive don't feel scary to me. Catcalling? Cool, I feel safe when there's other people on the street, never had a catcaller follow me. A guy hits on me aggressively at a club? Lol, no big deal, I feel 0% threatened, what's he gonna do? 3/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I do occasionally experience fear but those are usually very narrow and specific circumstances. Don't care when a homeless guy asks me to suck his dick, but I'll hire a bodyguard for public meetups I attend, and if I don't see other women walking alone on a street I'll nope out
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
But why do I have such different experiences from other women? Why do I generally encounter men as safe? Some theories:
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
1. I'm taller and/or less attractive than other women who get pursued more aggressively; men just don't find me sufficiently appealing to actually be dangerous at?
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
2. Something about my body language unconsciously conveys invulnerability/fearlessness; I don't vibe as an easy target and people stay away?
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
3. I am in fact being aggressed upon as much as other women, but I don't really notice it or process it as a threat or danger to me? e.g. if a guy is a lil aggro I have strong, internalized assumptions that he's not *actually* going to hurt me
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
4. I am in situations that are much less dangerous on average - e.g. i go to clubs in nicer areas, less often, and get less drunk? Or I've lived in nicer areas? But I have lived in a *lot* of cities, in both nice and bad areas so ??
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
5. men prefer to be aggro/scary at women only if they think the women won't like it? and i give off nice signals (e.g., saying thank-you to catcallers) that makes me less satisfying to harass?
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Jessica Pin
@MediClit
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I think this is less of a culprit. People always say this about me but I’ve walked through the Tenderloin and Midmarket, SF, alone at night. People just don’t fuck with me. I also lived in Williamsburg and went to Bushwick a lot when I was 20. No issues.