Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
I often hear women talk about how they live in fear of men, on guard against sexual pursuit, being afraid to walk to their car alone, guarding drinks from drugs etc. - but I don't really feel afraid and haven't had much bad stuff happen to me? Idk why our experiences are diff 1/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I *have* had some concrete 'men are scary' experiences, but those really don't feel like they generalize. Like, once had a man stalk/chase me home down some deserted alleyways, but that was at 2am in Istanbul. Or a violent client, but that was cause I failed to screen. 2/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
And subtler ways men are aggressive don't feel scary to me. Catcalling? Cool, I feel safe when there's other people on the street, never had a catcaller follow me. A guy hits on me aggressively at a club? Lol, no big deal, I feel 0% threatened, what's he gonna do? 3/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I do occasionally experience fear but those are usually very narrow and specific circumstances. Don't care when a homeless guy asks me to suck his dick, but I'll hire a bodyguard for public meetups I attend, and if I don't see other women walking alone on a street I'll nope out
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
1. I'm taller and/or less attractive than other women who get pursued more aggressively; men just don't find me sufficiently appealing to actually be dangerous at?
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
2. Something about my body language unconsciously conveys invulnerability/fearlessness; I don't vibe as an easy target and people stay away?
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
3. I am in fact being aggressed upon as much as other women, but I don't really notice it or process it as a threat or danger to me? e.g. if a guy is a lil aggro I have strong, internalized assumptions that he's not *actually* going to hurt me
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
4. I am in situations that are much less dangerous on average - e.g. i go to clubs in nicer areas, less often, and get less drunk? Or I've lived in nicer areas? But I have lived in a *lot* of cities, in both nice and bad areas so ??
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
5. men prefer to be aggro/scary at women only if they think the women won't like it? and i give off nice signals (e.g., saying thank-you to catcallers) that makes me less satisfying to harass?
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Julia Odette
@Julia_OdetteNC
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I live in the south and I haven’t had negative interactions with men either. Nearly all are respectful. I do get cat called fairly often but that doesn’t bother me, I don’t love it but it’s never anything grotesque. I think I come across as fairly fearless and I open carry often
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Show replies
Eve Eurydice
@EurydiceEve
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
GENERALLY is the tell word. MOST women GENERALLY encounter men as safe. If you live 80-90 years & get raped once & coerced twice & sexually harassed twice & sexually threatened twice, that’s a “normal” average. Give it the rest of your life before you come to your conclusions.
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Aliera
@brightwizardest
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
You've written "some women live in fear of men"; have these women had bad experiences that make them justifiably afraid? Or have they just, like, read too much online stuff and internalized it to mean they need to be terrified all the time?
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Beezy
@BeezyManzell
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I think there is a disconnect where many women think "I'd be safe in this situation if I were a man" or that men never feel unsafe, which aren't completely wrong but ignores a lot of things.
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