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Going for a run every morning is healthier than not, but also I would never insist everyone should go for a run every morning. Some ppl's lives just aren't structured for that, can't make it a priority, other things are important. This is kinda how I feel about monogamy

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

Dec 16, 2022

Is polyamory (according to my definition of it aella.substack.com/p/the-polyamor) better? ...yes? but also there's a ton of 'better' things that just are too much effort for the payoff, you have to choose your battles, no shame. The real shame is in trying to force yourself to be 'better.'

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Lots of ppl view poly as an ideal in the same way they might view running every morning as an ideal, and then pursue it because they *want to be the kind of person who does that* as opposed to it actually being suited for them. I think these have similar bad downstream effects

12:20 AM · Dec 16, 2022

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In your experience, what kinds of people are 'suited' to polyamory?

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people for whom the experience of jealousy isn't crippling (though it can still be quite painful and take a while to process), and also have super secure, trusting relationships and have excellent communication even in periods of high stress and fear.

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Great example! I am a practicing polyamorous person but I quite literally shouldn't run. I have hEDS (hypermobility issues), so running causes permanent damage to my body. Everyone is different and should structure their relationships/exercise to suit themselves 1/

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running in the morning and Poly isnt for me. I actually think it may be a natural human state but I don't think a lot of people are either. maybe because of the nuture element of our tribes.

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This accurately describes mine and my wife's attempts at non-monogomy. Aligned with it on a philosophical level but couldn't pull it off in actual practice.

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I think monogamy is better, due to it having a higher success rate. Though i don't care what others choose to do with their relationships, I just care about any relationship I'd be in. I agree that those who push either way, shouldn't.

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The kind of person that has multiple partners? Almost every straight man would love to have multiple women. Sometimes I think it's about being with someone they want to be with very badly, and might even hope to change them to monogamy. Probably several reasons.