I have a lot of trouble being romantically interested in people in general, and this feels a little confusing. I feel like there hadn't been a lot of quality discussion on "lack of romantic interest"; it's either "lol lower ur standards" or "aromantic queer discourse"
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I'd really like better frameworks to make sense of difficulty finding people to date or marry that approach it reasonably and not as evidence of you as a failure or you as a victim. It feels *weird* that the matchmaking problem is so hard!
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Genuinely curious if you think there's any chance that you've been desensitized
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standards raised i think, the last dude or two i've dated has been really incredible and now im like ?? how am i supposed to beat that
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Agreed. This episode of solo opened a lot of eyes:
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If you could be satisfied by mortal men, you would be satisfied with mortal reasoning and mortal society, and would not have gravitated toward the distant orbits of my own presence.
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I think romance is anti-inductive, the more legible to others your romantic interests are, the easier it is to try and goodheart those interests, which then feels icky and makes you think you were wrong about what it was you were interested in to begin with.
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you were right to focus on the sort of day-to-day experience you want (comforting Python debugging) and less on a laundry list of traits. now it's about putting yourself in position to see a lot of guys *do* the stuff that makes you attracted (and that place isn't Twitter)
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