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i don't like hugs, every time i greet a friend there's a mild panic as i prepare for them to hug me. my close friends tend to avoid hugging me cause they know i don't like it but i'd still dislike a world where ppl asked me for consent to hug

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

like, id rather a world where people perform a small ritual that makes me uncomfortable over one where it becomes A Thing each time. asking me if i would like a hug is way worse than just straight up hugging me

6:32 AM · Dec 5, 2022

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anyway i just really like the internet. i think ive probably typed more words than i've spoken, in my life.

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what if they just like, raise an eyebrow or gesture vaguely towards doing a hug and you shake your head slightly? or will you just not notice if someone tries to ask in this way?

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no cause like, denying a hug is a weird social move to ppl who aren't already familiar, and it's high effort to explain why you're denying

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if someone asks for a hug, reach for a handshake without saying no to the hug

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Most of the draining social experiences I have come down to something being A Thing when it could have been a non-thing

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I love hugs, but I have to establish that a relationship will involve hugs before I'll initiate them, though at that point I assume consent is given until clearly revoked or temporarily suspended.

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How about handshakes or high fives?

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You can avoid hugs by just standing not quite square to someone when you greet them. Or go in for the handshake, or point at something they're wearing and compliment it, or, or, or. It's supposed to be a mutually enjoyable thing. Signalling you're not down is easy and respected.

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How about a world in which people have a small ritual in which they ask if a person wants a hug? It should be perfectly okay and not a thing to refuse. It's only a thing now because it's not the norm yet, but it can be. It's not a fixed part of being human to always agree to hugs

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I'm pretty sure that most people who are trying to hug you only themselves consent to be doing this under the condition that you're enjoying it, and so your opinion on the matter is crucial not only for your benefit but for theirs too.