Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
I think most of my issues from my childhood stem from parents treating me like a thing they're supposed to make obey them as opposed to a real person with preferences that matter but like, this seems to be the societal default for all parenting, not just mine
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
sure, some of what kids want will directly harm them and we should prevent it, like not letting them run into streets, but a lot of them is harm we've *made up* to justify our attempts mold their brains into what we think they should be.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
i vividly remember as a kid thinking that adults didn't seem to treat me like a person, like my experience and feelings didn't actually matter. i was terrified about growing up, cause i knew they all used to be kids once, but *they* forgot, so that meant i was going to forget too
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
i remember being really young and trying to scream to my future self I AM REAL AND THIS MATTERS. I carefully preserved that memory as i aged, repeating it dutifully, reviewing the message with the respectful importance I'd initially imbued it with, as i passed it to my adult self
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
for most of us, childhood is just adults smashing down your autonomy in so many unnecessary ways. i've always felt parenting reveals the core of someone, is when you get to see what people are like when they are granted absolute power over another human being
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
(this is one reason why i feel uninterested in reconnecting with my dad; he might be acting nicer now, but i got to see who he was when he had power over me. it's made it starkly clear that any respect he affords me now is *only* because he can't control me)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
(did ur parents really get nicer as u aged or did they just start treating u better cause they no longer have absolute power?)
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eigenrobot
@eigenrobot
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
im curious where you end up in this evaluation after two years of caring for them! although perhaps because our childhood experiences were very different, i can imagine theres not that much to update
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@eigenrobot
sometimes im like 'i wonder if parents just sort of default to a more cynical view' but then i see the edens parenting and im like naw its very possible to hold true to these principles deep into parent life
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GribWrites
@GribWrites
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
tbh I think about this all the time whenever I see someone with a "student driver" sticker. Just being focused on being predictable around someone whose brain is already under full load.
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@vlad_avy
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
My parents had rough childhood (early post-WWII), so they tried to create the best possible childhood for me. I had absolute liberty, respect, no chores etc. It really fucked me up and I had to fix my ego for decades. "Damned if you do damned if you don't" sort of thing I guess.
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Scarlet Falcon
@birdmademejoin
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Sometimes I wish in the singularity I could be in a post-scarcity world where everyone (incl me) was turned into a kid in body/mind but kept our memories. Self-selection effect of said place being only people who would like that seems +EV too.
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