I think the surprise to me here is I didn't really internalize the degree to which people view weirdo or sexually promiscuous as undesirable as a mate. I do believe in many cultures this is actually true; me being a whore *does* drop my mate value there! 3/
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But in my local cultures, it doesn't drop mate value; everybody's either a whore or whore-adjacent, men and women alike. Married people with kids are poly, or have boned a lot of ppl. A reasonably high amount of influential people in stable relationships have been to my orgies.
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One of my good friends, a iteral whore, is engaged to be married to a high SMV, successful artist; nobody in our community finds this abnormal, I've never heard a single person comment on it as weird, or comment on it at all.
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So in my personal world, me rambling about my difficulties finding a man I like is banal. It's unremarkable. It's r/mildlyinteresting. The men I have dated or considered dating, including one for whom marriage was on the discussion table, are really high SMV in my communities.
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I consistently forget or underrate how the outside normie culture really does not comprehend how different sexual norms can be, how they assume I must be tarnished goods because in their minds, an actually sex-positive culture among high quality/influential people cannot exist.
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The ppl who view me as damaged goods would be shocked if they knew how many successful people in the world - names you likely know of - are either engaged in these lifestyles themselves or at least in relationships with high-promiscuity women. They just aren't as loud about it!
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And the thing is, the same kinds of things that select for independent success are *also* the kinds of things that select for sexual promiscuity - you have to be really openminded and and an unconventional thinker, good at risk taking, unbound by unquestioned morality.
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If you're the kind of person to be able to decouple enough to deconstruct the sexual morality conditioned onto you by society, it makes sense you're more likely to make clever, innovative moves in business or philosophy or art.
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If you celebrate unconventional genius for succeeding via breaking norms, why do you think they'd be any more conventional in their personal life? That world is full of people who accept sexual defaults that would make normies clutch pearls and cry that society is crumbling.
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And of course I don't mean to say that all successful people are sexually promiscuous; my more precise claim is that the more you enter unconventionally successful spheres, the higher the degree of promiscuity-acceptance you'll find.
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lol a friend just DM'd me anon
“There are a lot of dumb whores, but very few smart prudes.”
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It might be worth recanting to yourself that no one who disagrees with your identity is a viable partner anyways, and the opinions of others are not impeding your quest.
A viable mate is the first one that works out, it’s as much on your choice as it is on their existence
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I’d assume it’s because a lot of dudes would like to sleep w/ & or date you (whether they’d like to admit it or not) and feel bad that they might not make muster.
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If I had any level of surprise at your difficulty
It would be given the number of applications you have received plus number of men you interact with.
If none tickle your fancy - your fancy must be extra fancy
Or there is someone unavailable that you want
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I want to say it has a lot to do with religio-sexual repression in society or at least of the status quo. Monogomy is like a fantasy and fetish of compromise for the God-fearing and parent-pleasers. I guess jealousy is sometimes a mental disorder born from repression?
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Ok well if you’re flamboyantly sexually promiscuous as a female, most men will not find you to be high value mate material. It’s evolutionary biology. I know nature sucks but it cuts both ways believe me. Try to see from man’s perspective
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A lot of the smart prudes I am familiar with got there by rejecting norms they received in the course of a childhood that left them feeling deprived of structure. They seem to spend weekdays on hard-edged academic rigor and weekends on authoritarian but ecstatic religion.
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I think that people (esp. men) who think they are viewed as low value by their desired partners (usually women) get defensive when they see someone expressing difficulty in find a high value partner.
“She has impossible standards” they say. “Why not me?”
Then they lash out.
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You don’t need anyone’s validation. What they perceive as stigma is, in fact, your blessing.