there's nothing wrong with you or your relationship just because you want to have hobbies with other people
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there's nothing wrong with you or your relationship just because you want to get coffee with other people
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there's nothing wrong with you or your relationship just because you want to have intimate friendships with other people
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human beings did not evolve to get their drives fully and completely satisfied by one person; if this is true of you, you're unusual
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human beings are fully capable of loyal, die hard commitment to their partner while also sometimes doing things with people who are not their partner. Exclusivity of behavior is completely separate from commitment.
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Equating exclusivity and commitment makes sense if you have a culture where having hobbies/coffee/intimate friendships with ppl besides your partner is considered bad, disloyal, and would upset your partner. Then sure, having coffee *could mean* lack of commitment.
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I'm also not saying you have to have coffee or hobbies or intimate friendships with others in order to have a good relationship, I'm saying it just bothers me when ppl are like "I could never have coffee with another because I'm committed to my partner"
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that is a) completely confusing what commitment means and b) implying that I'm somehow less committed to my own partner because I go have coffee with others sometimes? Sure it might mean less commitment for *you* but don't go assuming that about everyone else
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Shutting down intimate (non-sexual) relationships to assuage your partners insecurities is a sign you are with the wrong person. If they can’t emotionally handle your having close friends you need to end that thing yesterday and ask why you are compromising yourself.
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I would question whether those who’re in a committed relationship, but want coffee with others, are ok with their partner doing the same. I have seen open relationships fail bc one decided, after the fact, that “open” should only apply to themselves & not their partner.
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Imagine if we applied the same definition of commitment to work vs partner. "You're not committed to your partner because you spend time with your coworkers at work."
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I would ask how are you defining commitment? Certainly not the traditional way which is why you are seeing people challenging your position.
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