recently had an experience as a 'model' for a coaching thing helping men be more... embodied (tho imo ultimate goal is helping them get laid, which i support) and ive really been chewing on it. 1/
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i've made a few attempts at writing a blog post about it, but it's hard cause a) i'm realizing some genuine vulnerability, like i like helping men get laid *in theory*, but actually handing them seductive power over me is terrifying, lot to unpack there 2/
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and b) trying to figure out how much i wanna say about the coaching practice/coach itself, cause maybe i wanna recommend it to others? and maybe i wanna help with the coaching? but it feels weird to make myself visibly associated with someone really good at getting laid
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not cause there's any issues with it, but like... i think of it as a milder version of the k-pop thing, where the female members of the band are supposed to never date anyone, i feel like im supposed to keep my image totally free from being even near any seductive men
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i don't fully understand this impulse, but it's there, and it's making it hard/confusing to write about my (admittedly limited!) experiences around seduction coaching. something like "you're not supposed to see what i think is hot in a way that makes me vulnerable"!
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ngl there was one guy there, a bit older, who i was 0% into, like he was just any random dude, and then after some of the coaching i found myself thinking 'you know if he just took me rn i'd probably be down' and feeling that switch in me is TERRIFYING
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