Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
being well known in specific subcultures creates some weird dynamic when attending meetups or e.g. vibecamp cause like, you have a default shared context (if asymmetric) with most ppl, which is nice, but then like 5% of them also hate you. 1/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
it makes interacting with anyone new a little weird and scary, like it's rolling a dice - you're grabbing a drink and a stranger is standing there and do you smile and be friendly/warm, when there's a chance they think you're horrible person and have you blocked? 2/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
in these subcultures, everyone already has a relationship with you, while you don't have a relationship with them. You walk through a room of people you've never met who have opinions formed about you, and it's just... idk it's really intense. 3/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
at one event i went up to a stranger during some tea tasting and he said some beautiful things and it felt open and warm and touching to me, and i was really vulnerable, almost cried a few times, and then when i looked him up to follow him on twitter he had me blocked. 4/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
and stuff like that puts a thread of dark scary into every interaction, for me. like i have to actively remind myself to be more careful about what i say or how friendly i am, or else i might accidentally bare a bit of my heart to a person who secretly views me as an enemy 5/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
it's ok if ppl don't like me, i just wish they would like... wear a wristband so i know who to avoid. i feel like im walking through a field in a dark night, and all around me are friends and enemies hiding on the ground dressed in camo, but i'm upright and covered in glowsticks
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