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two people are married and both agree that they don't want the other person to sit in any chairs outside the home. standing only. one day one of them gets tired at work, and they sit in a chair. Ashamed, they lie to their partner about it, pretend it never happened. 1/

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Is this bad? lying, a betrayal of their relationship? yeah definitely, but I don't really feel an emotional punch of horror here. idk, seems real unsurprising someone gave into tired legs at some point, the original agreement seemed super unrealistic to begin with. 2/

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this sort of sums up the way I feel when I see cheating portrayed in media - I don't feel horror, just like, well of course, what did u expect with such an unrealistic agreement? This emotionally disconnects me from a whole lot of plotlines in media.

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I am not trying to argue here the chair analogy is actually the same thing as monogamy- chairs don't pose a pregnancy risk for example - I'm just trying to convey how mundane it strikes me. feels like I'm watching someone sit down in a chair and everyone gasps.

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"oh right, i forgot they weren't supposed to sit in the chair, I guess they promised not to do that for some reason. um, grrr. how terrible1!!1!" - my emotions

7:59 AM · Sep 20, 2022

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re:replies, guys this thread is trying to convey my emotional reaction to seeing cheating depicted in media, if I were trying to convey the downsides of monogamy I would have picked a different analogy.

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Maxim Lott (MaximumTruth.substack.com)

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Seems you are missing the "mate jealousy" module that 95%+ of people have. There are clear evolutionary reasons for why people have it, of course (monopolize reproduction / resource provision.)

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Okay so the real thing you’re saying here is you actually have zero emotion tied to sex and you can’t understand why people have emotion tied to sex bc to you it should be like sitting in a chair or eating a sandwich

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and

Well I think what most people won’t say here is that they believe there is a spiritual element to sex that goes beyond what we currently understand about humans

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AI Actor-Critic

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Although, I mostly agree, I think there is a lot more depth/complexity in cheating than it is to a chair, mainly that emotions are always involved, while the chair thing is very physical. And it's related to how every person sees what even being in a relationship means

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also..."I forgot" is a shitty excuse...if you love the person, they're on your mind and you make the conscious decision to break that agreement. Or you never loved them and don't think about them.

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I think this might be partly the fault of the storytellers. I can imagine someone writing that chair story in a way that made me feel the betrayal. I don’t know how much of *not* feeling it with cheating stories is the disconnect vs. lazy writing.

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if the agreement is already postulated as OK then sitting is really bad. However in reality it is still bad, but part of the badness is first with the agreement since it's that obviously unrealistic. However I believe a monogamy promise could be realistic at least for some people

@INTPhilosopher

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Say you went on a special date with a guy. It was personalized for you. Later, you found out he does that special date with all the girls he meets. Would you not feel hurt that others had experienced what you had?

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For some people, it's more like rock climbing. If you're the type that has to work to cultivate a connection in order to want to sleep with someone, you can't say "whoops, I got tired so I climbed this mountain in a moment of weakness."

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