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two people are married and both agree that they don't want the other person to sit in any chairs outside the home. standing only. one day one of them gets tired at work, and they sit in a chair. Ashamed, they lie to their partner about it, pretend it never happened. 1/

369

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Sep 20, 2022

Is this bad? lying, a betrayal of their relationship? yeah definitely, but I don't really feel an emotional punch of horror here. idk, seems real unsurprising someone gave into tired legs at some point, the original agreement seemed super unrealistic to begin with. 2/

201

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Sep 20, 2022

this sort of sums up the way I feel when I see cheating portrayed in media - I don't feel horror, just like, well of course, what did u expect with such an unrealistic agreement? This emotionally disconnects me from a whole lot of plotlines in media.

244

Aella

@Aella_Girl

I am not trying to argue here the chair analogy is actually the same thing as monogamy- chairs don't pose a pregnancy risk for example - I'm just trying to convey how mundane it strikes me. feels like I'm watching someone sit down in a chair and everyone gasps.

7:56 AM · Sep 20, 2022

Replying to

"oh right, i forgot they weren't supposed to sit in the chair, I guess they promised not to do that for some reason. um, grrr. how terrible1!!1!" - my emotions

177

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Sep 20, 2022

re:replies, guys this thread is trying to convey my emotional reaction to seeing cheating depicted in media, if I were trying to convey the downsides of monogamy I would have picked a different analogy.

113

Replying to

Honestly, that argument doesn't even seem relatable in the slightest to monogamy...you're not going to collapse from exhaustion because you didn't have sex outside a relationship.

Replying to

yeah but u get urges to have sex with other ppl, seems vaguely similar to having urges to sit down

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The first item in your analogy (a promise about chair-sitting) is an absurd request over something trivial. This is not at all analogous to marital sexual fidelity.

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most relationship agreements about fidelity legit strike me as an absurd request over something trivial

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people aren’t horrified by cheating because of a pregnancy or sti risk

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and

Exactly. For most I assume it’s about finding love with another

Replying to

(a) Sex isn't the same as sitting on a chair; (b) That you think it is (vaguely) tells us about you, but not much about sex & fidelity; (c) Your values surrounding sex don't scale, and if they did, would lead to widespread negative social consequences.