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i am pretty down with a lot of the stereotypical ways men can't 'satisfy' women; not as emotionally in tune, wants higher novelty in mate choice, bad at picking up underwear or whatever. I've come to terms with all that, celebrate differences! except for one thing

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I think it's difficult to justify the idea that it is gendered. I acknowledge your N=1 report, but I've had the same experience in the opposite direction. I think it's just the case that most people, in a dating setting, are focused more on themselves/needs than on the other.

Aella

@Aella_Girl

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@CurtTigges

at least some evidence for it in this n=2k report

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

Sep 12, 2022

What's your gender? || When in relationships, do you tend to have an active, ongoing curiosity about your partner's thoughts and emotional states, to the degree that you ask them a lot of questions - clarifications and hypotheticals, that do a lot of digging/exploring/probing?

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5:58 AM · Sep 12, 2022

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Maxim Lott (MaximumTruth.substack.com)

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and

The survey suggests it’s just weakly gendered — like 35% of men and 20% of women. I feel the same way you do (it feels like not being loved!) and it’s been a dealbreaker. Certainly there are plenty of women who also don’t have this.

Maxim Lott (MaximumTruth.substack.com)

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and

Think the trait basically comes down to curiosity + empathy + questioning communication style.

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and

So I do have a general curiosity, but not to the degree that I press my partner with lots of random questions Part of that is politeness/conflict avoidance. I don’t want it to seem like I’m *challenging*. Part of it is generally being befuddled by the explanations 1/

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Hmm, interesting. It does seem somewhat justified by the data, but since it seems like a minority in both sexes (15% vs. 28% disinterested for women and men respectively) perhaps the remaining observational difference does come from communication styles.

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and

Not sure this says what you read it to… It looks like the vast majority of the men in your sample are pretty curious!

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and

While the sample size isn't bad, this data is still skewed. We're interested in gender but only 15% of responses are female. Not to mention they're all your followers so that's not very representative of the general population. So I really don't think we can say this is gendered

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and

I would be interested in this poll but for people who’s self reported first partnership goal was intellectual in nature. I think for many men it’s secondary & I would believe that’s gendered more than the ability or inclination to be curious about another human. maybe wishful :)