Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
i am pretty down with a lot of the stereotypical ways men can't 'satisfy' women; not as emotionally in tune, wants higher novelty in mate choice, bad at picking up underwear or whatever. I've come to terms with all that, celebrate differences! except for one thing
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
which is lower curiosity, or something related? I was talking to some of my friends, complaining how hard it was to find a partner who seemed actively, genuinely curious about me, and realized this seems to be a really gendered thing.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
like, when im in relationships i love asking careful questions, cause im super curious about my partner, i want to know about them, how their mind works, how they feel about the world. but its rare to find someone who wants to do it to me
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
i have trouble empathizing with lack of curiosity like i can empathize with other gendered differences. I think i hold maybe a little bitterness at how often i feel unmet/unmatched/empty in that way.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
although to be fair maybe i have unreasonably high standards. you know how merciless i am with twitter polls and question formation, i am no different in my romantic life, and it might be unreasonable to want that level of curious intensity from someone else
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Nick
@nickcammarata
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I had to work a lot to have innate interest in people and I’m still only okay at it, whereas my brain was like insanely interested by default by say physics, economics, ai, etc
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@nickcammarata
when i imagine the person-things interest gender split as "men don't like talkign about social drama or who went to the grocery store when" then im like that makes sense, but when i imagine "men dont like dissecting the system of a person's mind" i get angry
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Show replies
Peter Wang
@pwang
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
You need to hang out around better men. Or around female friends with higher tier mates. Maybe it’s a demographic thing, i.e. younger millennials getting having stagnated adulthood due to those economic headwinds of 2008 crash? Anyways it certainly feels like you can do better.
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Matthew Brinda
@mattbrinda
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I find there are different types of curiosity, which may be gendered. I’m poor at “gossip” curiosity which tends to be emotional and presumptuous. I’m full of fact and process curiosity, like understanding specifically why you love your hobbies.