Conversation

i am pretty down with a lot of the stereotypical ways men can't 'satisfy' women; not as emotionally in tune, wants higher novelty in mate choice, bad at picking up underwear or whatever. I've come to terms with all that, celebrate differences! except for one thing

406

Aella

@Aella_Girl

which is lower curiosity, or something related? I was talking to some of my friends, complaining how hard it was to find a partner who seemed actively, genuinely curious about me, and realized this seems to be a really gendered thing.

3:03 AM · Sep 12, 2022

Replying to

like, when im in relationships i love asking careful questions, cause im super curious about my partner, i want to know about them, how their mind works, how they feel about the world. but its rare to find someone who wants to do it to me

339

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Sep 12, 2022

and i think this is probably a gendered thing and it makes me feel sad. i can accept a dude who never cries or wants to bang a new woman every week, but it feels really painful to just 'accept' low curiosity from a man. it feels like not being loved

381

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Sep 12, 2022

i have trouble empathizing with lack of curiosity like i can empathize with other gendered differences. I think i hold maybe a little bitterness at how often i feel unmet/unmatched/empty in that way.

270

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Sep 12, 2022

although to be fair maybe i have unreasonably high standards. you know how merciless i am with twitter polls and question formation, i am no different in my romantic life, and it might be unreasonable to want that level of curious intensity from someone else

171

Replying to

A lot of men get conditioned think women are impossible to understand.

Replying to

everyone on here is just gonna say, "the males in _my_ life ask me questions." IMO you are looking for specifically a type of man that is attractive to you and it will be hard for that type of man to be a question-asker.

Replying to

and

And no, unfort it's not about curiosity. Likely the dominance you are seeking doesn't truly expect you to be an interesting agent, as an attractive woman, and doesn't ask you questions.

Replying to

see if you can become more like a train or a programming language

Replying to

I felt exactly this is in a past relationship where he showed a similar lack of curiosity in me and it was so quietly devastating over time it played a huge part in me ending things

Replying to

hmm. Maybe has to do with the evolutionary commitment post-fertilization? woman need to know more because historically they needed to make sure he was suitable. He has no evolutionary need. You could be on to the fundamental difference between the historically stereotyped sexes.