i am pretty down with a lot of the stereotypical ways men can't 'satisfy' women; not as emotionally in tune, wants higher novelty in mate choice, bad at picking up underwear or whatever. I've come to terms with all that, celebrate differences!
except for one thing
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which is lower curiosity, or something related? I was talking to some of my friends, complaining how hard it was to find a partner who seemed actively, genuinely curious about me, and realized this seems to be a really gendered thing.
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like, when im in relationships i love asking careful questions, cause im super curious about my partner, i want to know about them, how their mind works, how they feel about the world. but its rare to find someone who wants to do it to me
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and i think this is probably a gendered thing and it makes me feel sad. i can accept a dude who never cries or wants to bang a new woman every week, but it feels really painful to just 'accept' low curiosity from a man. it feels like not being loved
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i have trouble empathizing with lack of curiosity like i can empathize with other gendered differences. I think i hold maybe a little bitterness at how often i feel unmet/unmatched/empty in that way.
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although to be fair maybe i have unreasonably high standards. you know how merciless i am with twitter polls and question formation, i am no different in my romantic life, and it might be unreasonable to want that level of curious intensity from someone else
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I think it's difficult to justify the idea that it is gendered. I acknowledge your N=1 report, but I've had the same experience in the opposite direction. I think it's just the case that most people, in a dating setting, are focused more on themselves/needs than on the other.
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at least some evidence for it in this n=2k report
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What's your gender? || When in relationships, do you tend to have an active, ongoing curiosity about your partner's thoughts and emotional states, to the degree that you ask them a lot of questions - clarifications and hypotheticals, that do a lot of digging/exploring/probing?
Show this poll
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Curiosity in a partner is so important to me. I’m too curious to be with an uncurious person.
One of the sweetest ways this shows up: when you offhandedly mention something, and the person cares enough to recall it later. Those are the moments I cherish. 🥹
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Men are curious, just not about women. They are curious about submarine warfare, etc. I def think it’s gendered.
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I’m a male and I am the more curious one in most cases. It often feels like I am asking too many questions while answering none.
Interesting that it seems to be gendered. I haven’t ever thought about it.
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