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Most of the early casual sex I had was not very pleasurable, and as I realized I didn't get a lot out of it, I mostly stopped. But turns out having good casual sex is a skill, and learning to do it better has been really fulfilling, and has renewed my interest in it!

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

Aug 18, 2022

and the skill isn't in the sex itself - it's in stuff like really learning your own body and desires, learning what you want and how to have good boundaries, how to communicate clearly, how to select more talented, attentive partners, how to stay compassionate with yourself.

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

A lot of people first try having casual sex early in life, usually before they're mature enough to have developed enough skill to be clear and confident. No wonder it's so often an unpleasant experience!

6:48 AM · Aug 18, 2022

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I'm wondering if there are many different definitions of "casual sex", which is one reason it's hard for people to articulate their needs and boundaries. What definition do you go by?

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casual sex can't scratch the itch until you find someone who wants to stick around rather than stick and quit

Misha Gurevich, Photographer, VC, Wives 0/1

@drethelin

Aug 18, 2022

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@Aella_Girl

to what extent do you think having bad sex is a necessary precursor to having good sex? Seems to me there's no reason to expect it to be good without some deliberate practice.

@sc01672946

Aug 18, 2022

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@Aella_Girl

How much does relationship building factor into how good the casual sex is?

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Some content (blog post, video, online course, series of one of those) to teach that skill to young women would probably greatly increase global utility.

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Yeah when I was starting out I had no idea what I was doing, I just tried to emulate what I’d seen in porn, which was a disaster, in college I met a girl who taught me that great sex is sex that you can laugh and play with the absurdity of it all, that changed everything for me.

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How can u get skilled if u don’t do it ? Given it’s kind of a natural thing I don’t think you can be that disciplined. Nor should u be.

@KatelynnKoi

Aug 20, 2022

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@Aella_Girl

Please define casual sex in this context. Engaging in sex with the intention of never seeing them again, or engaging in sex with the intention to never engage in sex with them again? I think I don't believe in casual sex despite having a casual stance on sex.