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a lot of it comes from being okay with men viewing me as a sex object sometimes. Of course, this is inevitable - horny dude, evolved to hump at fertile boobs and butt. This is not an error or moral failing, this is the default underlying truth. a horny guy is never a shock. 2/

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it also helps to feel really confident in my own nonsexual value to others. And I can't just 'decide' to feel confident - it comes from actively cultivating cool stuff and surrounding myself with friends who like and support me regardless of my appearance. 3/

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but when a guy actually starts being startlingly sexual at me, the first step is to check on what's *actually* at stake here. Am I in physical danger at all? Usually no - this happens typically in public, with lots of witnesses around, or at parties. (If alone, RED ALERT)4/

I become very careful to not reduce my sense of physical space. If he shuffles a bit towards me, I don't step back. It feels important to me to demonstrate that I am not reactive to him, he has no control over me. If he touches me, I don't pull away or react.

My vibe is, my body and the space around my body is *mine*, and I'm not going to let you have it. I maintain good posture, a good open chest, and I keep my body language really steady, unafraid, and nonreactive. I don't surrender my territory, I stare at you when you enter it.

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I usually maintain clear, strong eye contact with him, and keep my head pretty still and reduce the amount I'm smiling. It sorta feels like I want him to know I am *watching*, closely, calmly, that I see everything he does and it means very little to me.

If the guy is coming on real strong, like a drunk guy at a festival tryin to get me to come back to his van, I just say in a pretty neutral tone, "Are you trying to have sex with me?" Just, call it out, clearly and without valence, like asking what's for lunch

If he says yes, then I say "Thanks for asking, but I don't want to have sex with you", in a polite tone, like he asked for a light and you don't have one (and all while holding autistic eye contact). If he says no, I keep pounding simple questions to make him explain his intent.

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In all this I'm trying to convey that he won't get reactions out of me. I know I said when he touches me I don't react, but in reality it's more like I don't pull away, but move my entire head down to stare directly at his hand, and then look back at him, totally expressionless.

I'm not playing whatever game he's doing, I'm not upset or giggly, I don't give up my space or boundaries, and I force him to be explicit about his intentions. All of this is very subconscious for me - I'm describing what I notice I tend to do, not a deliberate strategy!

1:28 AM · Aug 16, 2022

Replying to

This is basically the *opposite* of all the seduction body language techniques I do, which emphasize reactivity and vulnerability - drop your head, move it, glance away and back, smile and laugh a lot, etc.

But in general I do not feel anxious when a dude approaches me with a boner in his pants, cause I just casually throw on some boundaries and the interaction doesn't feel weird or bad to me. If you don't absorb his moves, he has to come to the surface. It's kinda fun sometimes!