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Conversation

I don't mind when men hit on me at social events, mostly because I prefer knowing people being upfront about their motivations and desires. Demonstrating interest is fine and not inherently creepy! The one big condition here is that they not treat me worse if I reject them.

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I also really dislike when men subtly act like they're *not* hitting on me when they are, like redirect away from it when I gently inquire. This feels cowardly to me. I'd a billion times rather a man go "do you want to fuck right now" than a weird timid pulling on my attention.

11:24 PM · Aug 12, 2022

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But in general, I know expressing romantic interest is really hard for men, and they often bear the burden of sole initiator, and I feel a lot of respect for guys who can do it clearly, without shame, and who can take a 'no.' I want to encourage more of this in life!

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Also just to state explicitly: age gaps between adults are not inherently creepy, relationships after a power dynamic (e.g., dating a former student) is not inherently creepy, unattractive men are not inherently creepy. All these things *can* be creepy, but are not by default!

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Sure , it doesn't feel good to have to reject a man who's hitting on you no matter how well he takes the no, but women rarely initiate so what the hell are they supposed to do? Just cause setting boundaries is uncomfortable doesn't mean it's not your responsibility to do it!

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The "timid pulling on attention" that most guys do in the presence of an attractive woman is one of my least favorite social dynamics.

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So a guy that is a 10 said hi meekly and is better received by her then a 5 that says same thing. No easy for her since multiple attraction dynamics are in play.

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Better eyes contact and subtle laughter, touching... 😆 does that work

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A girl telling me “I’m not interested in anything like that” when I awkwardly asked her on a date after casually getting lunch or coffee together once or twice is something I still deeply appreciate to this day, and it made me a better person.

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Frijole Nakamoto

@SolutionOrganic

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I know it's probably not the same every time, but can you give an example of how you gently inquire?

John Skrabutenas

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Do you distinguish between “hitting on” and simple flirting?

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