having a lot of trouble responding to messages from ppl who i want to think highly of me rn, what is that??
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As an armchair expert: That's a bit of an inferiority complex when dealing with someone perceived as superior.
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You just have to be you. You can't trick people into being impressed and if they can't appreciate you from the start then they never truly will. Mostly people that appear amazing end up being quite mundane and just a different pattern of person.
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it's you projecting most of your own value outside yourself into the other.
don't do that. it's not healthy.