i think i’m frustrated by the sense that you’re pretending to help me but actually judging me and if you’re actually judging me i’d much rather you just be straight about that
Conversation
hahaha i am 95% sure lisa is being straight with you here
we had a conversation about this kind of thing, like, a week ago
1
21
so I'm not sure how to more literally and directly explain what I'm doing here and what the status is of my 'beliefs'
more context/explanation: I've been reading QC's introspection posts for 2 years and in the process formed impressions about how they might piece together--
Quote Tweet
Replying to @QiaochuYuan
ok so I am also gonna offer my "story" about what could be going on here, which can obvi be totally wrong but just what I'm kind of piecing together across new/old threads:
1
1
16
I don't think I'm making too many assumptions, apart from the ones I make of like everyone-- ppl have learned "criteria" for being loved, these integrate with memes/culture, this becomes part of a sort of patterned system of interpretations, triggers, emotional reactions etc
1
12
and that these would typically change on the timescale of *years*?
and since a lot of the thread was written in present tense ("I feel") and referred to recent events, I didn't see any reason to think this particular pattern was entirely inactive/outdated/irrelevant
1
10
since basically everyone has some set of these things that they untangle, I'm not particularly "judging" anyone for having them, and am not quite sure what that would even mean to be "judging" you right now
1
9
like do I think you're "bad"? No. "good"? Also no. I'm not really thinking in those terms? Bc in a sense these sorts of things aren't "about YOU"-- do I think this particular pattern of emotion-interpretation-reactions *could* cause interpersonal problems for you and others? Yes
1
15
I'm not pretending to be totally emotionally neutral on that point, like I have no prior experience with the pattern-- I have found it frustrating when men took boundary-setting as accusation, or react once they felt like "hey I've sent *enough* signals that I'm safe, let me in!"
1
21
(Note that I haven't accused YOU or implied that YOU definitely do or have ever done this; I'm saying: "this is a emotional/belief pattern it seems to me you might hold" and "I believe a similar pattern can explain some behaviors I've seen in others")
4
15
I find the contrast of this interaction interesting, compared to the topic of something like race. I wonder how people would take this category of response if a PoC had been "it's really frustrating how I am afraid of all white people treating me like an inherent threat".
2
20
e.g. "you describe white people as "assuming you're violent" (maybe this is not a current/endorsed view?)-- but this seems like a bad faith view, given that they clearly have to make decisions given low information, high maximum risk, unclear benefits, uncertain probabilities"
or "it might be that you perceive a white person's "defenses" (boundaries) as accusations against your character-- to hear e.g. "I don't trust you" not as a statement describing her own emotional experience, but as a character accusation"
2
18
or "I..can see how people each internalize/integrate bits of broader culture differently and in uniquely harmful ways etc-- but pls do consider how it might be both true and *not about you* that "white people are rational not to trust you""
1
14
Show replies