I used to believe it was wrong for anyone to ask their partner to be sexually exclusive with them. As in, I believed asking someone to be monogamous was an unethical and unreasonable request to make. I believed it was like telling someone they could only have one friend.
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Then I started to wonder if maybe monogamy is ok if that’s what two people actually want from each other, like they want to choose to have the depth of connection and intimacy that would only be possible in a monogamous relationship.
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And that even if it’s hard sometimes to turn down other options for sex and romance, they ultimately feel empowered by and grateful for the connection they’ve built with their partner.
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But I don’t know!! Is this how monogamous people feel? Do they feel empowered and grateful for the relationship structure they’re in?
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I still wonder how it makes sense to restrict sex and romance but not to restrict friendship? Like everyone can still have lots of friends? Or a best friend and then other friends?
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Like if I have a best friend, I still want him to have other friends, and I don’t think him having other friends interferes with our friendship. But if he neglected our friendship for his other friends, then I would for sure feel threatened and sad.
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Isn’t it the same thing in relationships? Like if I have a partner(s), and I neglect them for other sex and romance opportunities, that would be an issue. But if I cared for them and didn’t neglect them, what would be the issue?
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I don’t know, is the issue about wanting to have sexual and romantic depth with just one person?
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Replying to
fwiw, i consider polyamory to be 'not restricting your partner', not 'wanting depth with just one person.' I've had (what i consider to be) poly relationships before where it was almost entirely just me and my partner with each other.