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maybe going through all that hell was the price you paid to be able to, one day, give someone else in that situation the extraordinarily rare gift of being understood. The deeper the hell, the rarer that gift, the more precious the meeting.
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As I see it, it's not so much "sex bad", but trying to gain power through artificial sexual behavior that is seen as highly disingenuous and even cruel. Preying on people's emotions to manipulate them into serving you seems to go against your own ideals.
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