thread on why 1:1 planned conversation is difficult and tiresome for me even when i really get along with someone:
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Conversation
1) i have to dedicate your full attention to the other person
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2) this includes having to look at them pretty frequently
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3) no one else is there so 50% of the vibe is your responsibility
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4) if i arent on top of things they may mistakenly think i dislike them, so i have to keep emoting appropriately
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5) i expect and want people to infodump once we get to a topic of interest (with possibilities for interjection) but they politely wait for questions so then i have to think of questions i dont care about specific answers to for the sake of getting them talking
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6) ofc i dont want to infodump on them so either we stick to topics that arent v interesting, or i have to tease interesting info out of them, or i have to restrain myself a bit if we hit on something i like talking about
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Replying to
ugh this is extremely, painfully relatable. whenever someone is like 'oh we should grab a coffee' i smile and nod like a terrified deer in front of an oncoming car
the rare times this doesn't apply is when i feel like i'm genuinely curious about something about them, like if they're particularly unusual in a way where i would sit down and read a book from them on my own time if i could
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Replying to
ahaha fuck
yeah, having a clear *reason* to talk 1:1 changes the dynamic so much. i think i'd be nervous about asking them questions about what's so interesting about them though, i never know what's prying
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