I feel like I have a tiny number of very close friends and a lot of vague friendly acquaintances but very few people in between, and it's been kinda hard and I've been sad, but it's also kinda my fault cause idk how to fill the middle gap
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dumb idea maybe but: go CFAR on it? like: what have you tried, what COULD you try? set timers to come up with strategies? Aversion factor it, actually?
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Hosting dinners for 6-8 at my house helped me with this middle ground. Family style.
I don’t have a huge table so the vibe is just friends hanging out. Ppl make new friends, it’s quieter than a restaurant, it’s strengthened a lot of my friendships.
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You need more regular activities that you commit to; however, these don’t have to be frequent, an event you do a couple of times a year but for many years is fine. Road trip, conference, etc.
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From my own experience, trying to fill that gap tends to lead to more inauthentic relationships that you're intentionally garnering to fill the need.
I honestly just spent a lot of time being okay being in the middle on my own sometimes.
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The thing maybe you don't want to hear is getting more friends above the casual tier takes effort. So the good news is you can change this, but it will take time and...effort.
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I spent two years aggressively making friends. Now I don’t have enough time for everyone which makes me a bit garbage.
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How to fill the gap:
• invite ppl out and plan the event
• message them more than you think you should
• help them with things they may be struggling with
• go to their life moments
Eventually, most people return the effort. Or the ones that aren’t for you get weeded out.
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Look at the friendly acquaintances to close friends pipeline
Has anyone made that transition? How did it happen?
If one of your current friendly acquaintances were to become a close friend, what would that transition be like?
How would you know they had become a close friend?