Conversation

I feel like often in my love life I fall for people, like really open-heart-wrenching love, but find a place where our incompatibilities mean I have to set aside a part of myself, gently boundaried, in order to be close to them (and often same with them for me). 1/

207

Aella

@Aella_Girl

some part of me thinks that what I'm looking for is someone with whom that gentle boundaried part I have to set aside isn't there at all, like with each successive step i take forward somehow... my exoskeleton just never snaps shut. I don't know if this is reasonable to want.

7:43 AM · Jun 13, 2022

Replying to

Is it never losing/changing the boundaried part of you you care about, or the sense of control over how and when you might want to lose/change it?

Replying to

and

Seems obvious to me that life is an adversarial process of becoming, and not clear why there should be expectations that being with someone somehow shouldn’t direct this process.

Replying to

there is no free lunch, but people with high status are generally convinced by everyone around them that, for them, there is.

Replying to

Say it's unreasonable, what next?

tomazs *

@venedio

Jun 13, 2022

Replying to

@Aella_Girl

you are looking for intimacy

Replying to

My experience is that's always a matter of how hard you look. Meanwhile, it's turned out to be more valuable to learn how to attune myself to someone who's quite different from me.

Replying to

Nothing grows in the dark. The right person will shine a light on the gentle boundaried part, and one day, there'll be no need for the boundaries to be up anymore. It's a reasonable want. ❤️

Replying to

I think you probably (but not necessarily) would spend your whole life searching for that and never find it, or only grab it for fleeting moments in time until the fragile alignment gives way to conflict. A profound existential question whether and how to deal with that dynamic.

Replying to

Twitter probably isn't the best place to share much vulnerabilty, but perhaps you've shared your thoughts with a therapist? If so, what do they say about the feasibility of the kind of relationship you desire?

Replying to

Almost certainly unreasonable, not only would this require either perfection or near perfection in that someone, but it would also require that any changes either person undergoes occurs in both at the same time and same rate.