I feel like often in my love life I fall for people, like really open-heart-wrenching love, but find a place where our incompatibilities mean I have to set aside a part of myself, gently boundaried, in order to be close to them (and often same with them for me). 1/
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some part of me thinks that what I'm looking for is someone with whom that gentle boundaried part I have to set aside isn't there at all, like with each successive step i take forward somehow... my exoskeleton just never snaps shut. I don't know if this is reasonable to want.
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There are two types of falling in love. You're familiar with the first one, but the second one is the one you're looking for. In the second type words like incompatibility, boundaries, exoskeleton no longer apply. Nothing unexplored or held back, no judgements, no expectations.
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“I'll make myself into whoever he wants
Whoever he wants me to be
He looks at me like I'm lovely and I'm petrified”
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This is...normal? I mean, I don't expect to be perfectly compatible with literally any other person in the entire world and have to set aside something. Usually, with a bit of creativity, I can find other outlets to express those parts of myself.
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I struggled with this a lot the first two years of the relationship with my partner (and my sons mom). I’m a part of some 12 step recovery circles that encourage feedback and crosstalk and kept getting the feedback that this was really normal.
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