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ok I actually like the "what do you do for work" question, it feels easy to ask interesting followups to that, gives u an efficiently compressed info dump about the person. imma start countersignalling as a bad question asker by using that as my initial go-to
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I think the damage is more the way it changes the tone of the conversation disposes the other person to enter a somewhat defensive justifying mode that’s full of preset talking points rather than spontaneous generation spontaneity important in part because it’s more credible
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hm guess thats not essential, think the general case is more about the preset aspect but think people can be self-conscious about status and that comes up when you talk about work even if they don't feel it with you, sometimes a pattern people can fall into out of habit
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I don't think it's universal at all though, and that it's possible to have good conversations around work to me its just about if you can break out of preset modes, which can become very developed in people who spend a lot of time talking about their work in certain contexts
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