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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I'm down with this if you apply it consistently - if any preference someone has for how they want their partners to behave - like the guy who doesn't want his girlfriend to have friends or leave the house - is not controlling, but simply "how you want to live"
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☾ rosalind ☼
@wholebodyprayer
Something i was very confused about & feel clear on now: How is it not controlling to prefer that your partner isn’t sexual with other people? My answer: we’re allowed a preference & its not controlling to say “this is how i want to live; if youre into it lets do it together”
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out blind spot
@TPSReport
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
the usage of "controlling" as an implied negative behavior is the one you will have trouble applying consistently. for example, is it controlling to insist that partners not be violent? or that they not drive recklessly while you are in the car? or to shower / bathe occasionally?
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Bella Rudd
@BellaRudd1
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
agreed. so long long as it is established up front & people are honest. limerick: yet folks in monogamous bubbles don't think that their standards are doubles! and thus no one knows the costs they impose and add to relationship troubles!
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Natural Born Critic
@joggins_kenny
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
False equivalency. She is advocating for communicating specific needs to your partner. If you are saying the guy in question must be open and say “we can date but you can’t have friends and I will monitor your every move” then, yes that is the same.
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Htown
@BBallanfant
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Monogamy is usually something agreed to up front. The no friends thing and not leaving house is usually something that is slowly manipulated into existence. So there’s a foundational difference in the two scenarios.
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Alexander
@datepsych
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
People can make up whatever relationship deal breakers they want. Most people aren't going to be ok with "you can't leave the house," and will leave. Conversely most people expect their partners not to have sex with others. It's a norm most people agree with.
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