And then I get confused about to what degree my appearance factors into my success; lots of people say I'm hot, but also tons of people say I'm mid; how hot I am does seem to be a direct tradeoff against how skilled I think I am. If the mid ppl are right then I'm a genius. 3/
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And there's no clear markers of how much ppl should take me seriously, like there are in the academic/corporate world. For example, I was once did an interview they titled "intellectual porn star"; after commentors complained, they removed the "intellectual" from the title.
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And it's like, which is it?? Am I hot or am I smart? It's impossible to be both. Some background part of me just wants to know which label society is giving me, so I can start self-narrativizing in a way that integrates better with external perception.
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Cause it's *weird* that I seem to be so elite at sex work. Why the *hell* is that the case? It's very unusual to be elite at anything and it's bizarre to have ended up good at this, particularly because I am naturally way less good at seduction than the average woman.
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Like, seriously - as many of you know, I was homeschooled and isolated from the outside world and my exposure to normal mating behaviors was zilch. Also, I have probable-autism. I started off with a significant sexiness disadvantage, I should have ended up a programmer.
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Anyway I get that there's explanations for these things, like when I use the brain part of me inside my skull I can wiggle my arms around and go "yes of course here are things that make sense," but there's some gut part that's always twisting around going "whaaat the actual fuck"
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Or is this just what happens when you combine someone who has to brute-force analytically learn all seduction moves from scratch, plus cutting off other option branches for life path, plus having a good waist hip ratio? Is that just the rare but inevitable formula?
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What KPI tells you that you're good at sex work? Is it simply getting tons of incoming interest?
How did you study and learn seduction moves?
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im doin fetish research now, but at my peak was making over 100k/month on onlyfans, and also highest priced publicly listed escort in the world
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