Some things are like, does everyone have this problem and I just notice them more? I don't like physical contact or hugging from friends, but I'm okay with it from strangers if it's in a structured setting like social dancing. I don't like being comforted or touched when sad. 6/
Conversation
I remember as a teen telling my mom it felt like everyone else had access to some social script that I couldn't see, like they were tapped into a telepathy I'd never figured out how to do. I have a *lot* of difficulty talking to strangers, is why I built askhole.io
1
71
I don't know why people do conversations and often spend the first part of the conversation with someone asking why we're having the conversation. This feels normal to me but seems to be abnormal for others? I feel much more at ease typing than talking.
1
1
43
I have a *weird* relationship to facial expressions, like I've only recently started feeling like I wasn't moving my facial muscles consciously. I feel like I'm supposed to do things with my face in order to not freak people out, so I've learned to do them correctly
5
51
And of course, the obvious one, I seem to have a bad sense of/don't integrate deeply that things I say make other people mad at me. I kind of get, but am still regularly confused by why I'm not supposed to say certain things. I seem to be kind of culturally immune in that way.
2
57
I tried to get an official diagnosis once and it was really terrible; I finally got on the phone with a doctor and he was like "why do you want to know if you have autism" and "you are a sex worker so I don't think you're autistic." He didn't ask me *any* diagnostic questions.
7
69
I tried to be like "but here's my reasons for thinking I might-" and he was like "nah, you sound normal on the phone to me, like we're having a normal conversation. You had a bad childhood and then became a sex worker so any symptoms you have are just cause of that"
6
1
41
All of this in general is confusing to me; am I just overfocusing on minor details? Am I blowing things out of proportion? How severe does a difference have to be before it "counts"? How much of autism is just a trendy label for people, or am I being too self-doubting?
1
1
39
My point is that reaching a definitive conclusion about my autism feels pretty hard to me here. When I'm around rationalists I feel really not-autistic, normal, fluid, skilled, but then I go into the outside world and I'm like 'oh god I am extremely different holy shit'.
6
3
91
Honestly, my suspicion is that I have something "autism-adjacent" - something weird quirk of human brain that might be a cluster of things that we figure out how to describe one day in the future. There's probably tooons of these!
12
1
97
But I find myself using the phrase 'probably autistic' in order to quickly convey to someone that they can predict my behavior better if they model me as someone who has autism.
Replying to
I don’t understand why the conclusion regarding your diagnosis has been difficult to reach. It sounds like you went to a doctor that immediately identified that you don’t have autism, so if it was borderline they wouldn’t have said it so definitively
1
2
Replying to
I'd be more down if he'd asked me a lot of questions and then was like "you don't have autism", but he didn't ask *anything* about my symptoms. He didn't ask if I had sensory or social issues or anything
3
6
Show replies
Replying to
The only thing I can recommend is to see an autism specialist. I was diagnosed by someone with nearly 20 years of experience with autistic people. There are pre-screens and a few hours worth of evaluation. There are brain scans also if you can afford it.
1
You’re unable to view this Tweet because this account owner limits who can view their Tweets. Learn more
Replying to
some ppl have suggested HSP and i don't know much about it but I don't think so? The list of HSP stuff feels like it applies way less than the list of autism stuff
1
1
Replying to
What you’re describing sounds more like OCD. Also autism is always on a spectrum so you could be correct.
Replying to
I heard Peter Thiel describe autism/aspergers as "socially unconventional". I remember it because it seems to cut to the point, describes it well, and comes off as a mildly autistic thing to say.
Replying to
That's a fundamental misunderstanding of what autism is. You can't "model me as someone who has autism"...and I have autism. It never looks the same twice.
1
Replying to
Thank you for continuing to share so much about your life, thoughts, experiences. I appreciate the depth you go to and subjects you discuss.