Conversation

I see this pattern a lot on dating sites: someone has a bad experience with some asshole, and then they treat all their future matches the way they retroactively wish they treated that asshole (which, naturally, scares away all the good non-desperate people).

Jakeup

@yashkaf

May 14, 2022

Flaking because last week someone flaked on you, conducting hostile interrogations in lieu of conversations because someone lied to you, insulting someone because someone disrespected you. Revenge fantasies as a dating strategy.

Jakeup

@yashkaf

May 14, 2022

You can tell if their profile is mainly about their past dating traumas: "no liars! no fuckboys! don't waste my time!!!"

Jakeup

@yashkaf

May 14, 2022

I sometimes think that it's not about politics or communities or gender wars or app algorithms or chemicals in the water supply, a lot of people are just straight up too stupid to date.

Replying to

I straight up reject this framing. People put up defenses that sometimes backfire because that's the best way they know to protect themselves not saying you should date them, but this is a very unsympathetic take

Replying to

and

Both of you seem right tho? Like people do in fact put up defenses that backfire, and also sometimes people just have a low IQ which ends up looking similar

4:22 PM · May 14, 2022

Replying to

and

I'd say they're defenses put up by a low IQ person, but I think there's an implied "stupid people are bad" that I dislike low IQ people are trying their best and I wanna fight back when people call them names

Replying to

and

by "stupid" I meant more "clueless about how dating works, unwilling to think about the other person's POV". I don't know if this is particularly g-loaded or whatever, it's more social/emotional stupidity

Show replies