Conversation

May 14, 2022

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in other words, I don't see the comment as my friends projecting their own arbitrary preferences onto my relationship, I assume they're making a guess about mine, but just wording it confidently

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yea and I think in my and jessica's case, if any of our friends is making a guess about our preferences, and they think we wanna hear it in terms of "interestingness", our friend has just gotten their guess about our preference very, very, very wrong

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like, someone speaking with confidence about how I relate to something else, but using language that is completely contrary to my entire value system, is... not a friend, lol. the best case scenario here is that it's a really old friend who's a sweetheart who's bad with words

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is the word "interesting" here triggering the strong bad feelings? i don't seem to have as much emotional valence on that word as others, i think..? For me, it would be like hearing "your date was really nice, but you seemed bored by her, thought I should point that out?"

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that'd be 100x better, but again, I wouldn't date someone who I'm bored by, so that will never happen so yea "interesting" in practice then becomes a proxy for something like status. ie, your gf is too low-status in our eyes, not one of us, doesn't fit in, wrong pedigree/markers

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and more context of where I'm coming from with this, is, ok maybe your ride-and-die friends are truly perfect, but I have just seen/known too many instances where everything seems right until someone violates an implicit/tacit family/comms rule, ie dont date outside race/caste

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right, if we're assuming that "not interesting" means something status-related, your position makes total sense. I agree that my ride-and-die friends probably have some status boundaries like everyone else, and I'd be rightfully furious if they tried to enforce them on me

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When I try to force the hypothetical by imagining myself dating a girl who I find super interesting, but who would break the status boundary for my friends, I... can't come up with anyone real... maybe if I dated like a warlord or something🤔

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in my case my friends had a laundry list of things they disliked about my gf – they found her stubborn, sullen, aloof, she made them look/feel bad by calling them on their BS... autistic oracle type traits normies tend to conflate interestingness with like, charisma and warmth

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think of the kind of guy who thinks that a girl is soooo interesting and smart and a great conversationalist when really all she did was mirror him, ask him questions, nod and uhuh and emote visibly to his stories, ie gave away no information about her at all actually