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I once had a male friend grab me at a party and start kissing me, no warning. I was like uhh no ty. he explained that he'd heard me talk about wanting guys to take bold initiative and decided to try it. It wasn't super comfortable for me, but I found it sweet of him to try.

507

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Apr 29, 2022

I'd rather have to do some awkward turndowns of aggro dudes in order to get some aggro moves I want. Ofc my ideal world includes aggro dudes being able to read me well to tell if I actually want them, but the world is not ideal and plausible deniability is an arms race.

301

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Apr 29, 2022

Also a lot of this hinges on how well the dude can take rejection. My friend in question reacted very well and is still my friend today; the attempt didn't damage anything. I would NOT want aggro dudes to try things if my rejection would fuck up our friendship.

190

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Apr 29, 2022

I'd love more experimental social frames that give ppl more room to explore here. I'd love a party where aggro sexual moves are considered default okay, and you consent to having aggro moves made at you by entering, for example.

225

Aella

@Aella_Girl

I'd also like more explicit individual norms, or something? Like I wish ppl could turn visible setting preferences to "I want more aggro, my soul is a single callous" or "do not be even a lil aggro at me or i will ptsd at you"

12:32 AM · Apr 29, 2022

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I can think of a few male friends where if they just pulled me into a closet and started aggro banging me I'd be like well ok I guess. these are ppl I'd probably turn down for dates and (to most) have made absolutely zero indication of interest to.

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Replying to

One of the benefits of everyone being in augmented reality eventually is that you could literally project these types of wants above yourself, like some sort of lens, and change it based on your mood. Everyone will be able to set their own preferences kind of like an away message

Replying to

Isn't this just what getting to know someone is?

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I've been to parties and conferences where people could wear a badge or indicator of whether they're open to be approached, and/or to what degree. And you could change your indicator, if your mood/comfort changes. It seemed to work pretty well.

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