When I was very young I had basic physical traits and cultural similarity as criteria for a mate (dark hair, christian); a little older and it became more about shared hobbies/nerd identity; after that it became more about life trajectory (thrill/boldness).
lately for me tho,
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my criteria for hubbyhunting is somethin like:
1. very deep self acceptance
2. brave enough to hurt me
3. has one foot in the infinite pain
4. really smart
5. polyamorous
6. into the same freaky sex i'm into
7. similar social power
8. eldritch
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im suspicious of my current criteria because my last sets of criteria have kept changing with age, but right now every point feels important. I *don't* fully understand all of what it is I want, and there's definitely other ways incompatibilities can arise that aren't on the list
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But if i'm evaluating someone for romantic compatibility, i often feel... some boredom? I feel like i'm looking for some kernel of annihilation in them, some little voice in the background screaming in ecstasy that it's ready to die. i want a heavy metal soul.
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Dating someone who is emotionally gifted will allow you to explore your own self forever. You will continually learn new things about yourself.
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There's nothing wrong with that, I've had to learn how to be honest with everything, needs may change but they are still needs.
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Only dating advice I feel good about giving: try one of every type…even if you don’t think you will be into it. I was constantly pleasantly surprised by women I didn’t think I was into.
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i think 1, 2, and 3 are basically what is needed for any healthy relationship
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Cool post. I suspect #7 will dominate when it comes down to it, followed by #4