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there's so many nonobvious social norms! If someone asks u to meet for coffee, how long does coffee last? should you make 'leaving' moves after 30 minutes? four hrs? when someone asks to buy you a drink at a bar, this means they want to talk to you - nobody tells you this stuff!

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

Apr 26, 2022

i figured out the bar drink thing after i happily approached my friends at a bar with a drink and was like 'look what a nice stranger got for me' and they were like 'and you just left him?' and i was like '....yes? why?'

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

Apr 26, 2022

most of my social groups for years have been rationalists; since i've moved cities i've been branching out into new friends and it's lovely but i'm having lots of 'wtf are the norms, i cant even ask about them cause ppl dont recognize them as norms'

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Replying to

I have tried to ask about them and it feels a lil like I'm in a twilight zone where people laugh and think you're talking about the weather, they just aikido right past me

Replying to

and

I'm like so how long should we do coffee for, what's the norm and they're like lol u know we're just hanging out, its nice to talk, see you at 2 and I wanna be like wait no... my question was serious and u seem to not be inhabiting a reality where ppl ever ask questions like that

6:07 AM · Apr 26, 2022

Replying to

and

Maybe you could frame the question as "How long should we do coffee for? I've learned that people have very different ideas of how long you should go and want to plan in enough time🙂?".

Replying to

and

When unsure, make your own attitudes new norms

Replying to

and

If it's a need, can you communicate it as such? Like "hey, I'm a little neurodivergent and it would be useful/helpful for me if ______” Certainly seems reasonable to want to know how long to budget for coffee... if you have constraints about ending time, that's reasonable too