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Replying to

@liminal_warmth

and

This clip has more reaction? I def have diff modes, pretty out-of-my-control, where the muscles in my face literally feel different. i suspect the interview ended up triggering a different mode once i realized the rules were different

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Replying to

@liminal_warmth

and

i do think i have a public affect in the way i have a sex-worker-character who interacts with clients, mebbe is that thing it also feels pretty non-conscious, like i think it's just some compartmentalization thing turned way up

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Replying to

@liminal_warmth

and

one of my guesses is it comes from my dad making me stand in front of him for long periods of time as he yelled at me and said as many upsetting things as he could, and if i showed any reaction he would jump on it as evidence of my badness and use it for more fuel

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Replying to

@liminal_warmth

and

and so i had a huge amount of practice all throughout childhood of totally disassociating my facial movements from my emotions. i think its easy to come up with narratives in hindsight for things that might actually be genetics or hwatever, but seems like a plausible theory

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Replying to

@liminal_warmth

and

i have a v weird relationship with my facial muscles now; they usually (not always) feel intentionally done, like i feel like i am consciously 'doing a smile' or whatever, like im reaching a hand into my face puppet to move it around; naturally there's no movement

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Replying to

@liminal_warmth

and

i don't have this sense after like... lots of physical movement, or when on some types of drugs, or around people im very intimate with.

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Replying to

@liminal_warmth

and

i also think crying is one thing that can help change my relationship to my face too

8:27 PM · Apr 25, 2022

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Replying to

@liminal_warmth

and

np np

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