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Sometimes you can have unreasonable feelings, in the sense that you don't "condone" them, but they exist anyway. For example, "I'm mad people don't want to fuck me" - obvs you might not actually believe people *should* fuck you, but the emotion's still there Anyway, one of mine:

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Some "unreasonable" part of me is angry that I've gotten many many times more resources (money, gifts) from men who just wanted to fuck me, compared to men who loved me.

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I'm fully aware this doesn't make "sense" - I have been clearly optimizing for men giving me money through resources and have historically tended to date men much less financially secure than me, so I know it's not actually anyone else's fault.

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But knowing what is reasonable to feel usually doesn't change what you actually feel, and for a long time I would suppress and ignore what I actually felt - without even realizing I was suppressing it - if it seemed an "unreasonable" feeling.

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But i def got a trad side that wants to be financially supported by a boy who loves me. maybe this trad side evolved out of dating too many homeless boys? at this point im like fuck it, im not dating a single additional homeless boy no matter how charming he is

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Replying to

Just cause something is a "normal instinct" doesn't mean it's good or right! The hesitation I have around it is the unfairness; it seems kinda unfair to want someone else to support me after I decided I don't want to support anyone else.

6:40 PM · Apr 24, 2022

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my girl (who is the only one who works) and I take advantage of this structural unfairness by fetishizing it. we play games like I’m the “kept man boy toy slave” or we’ll flip it and she’ll be the “findommed slave who lives for others”. It can be super hot and it reduces tension.

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I don't think I'd feel comfortable either keeping another adult or having someone keep me. It feels nice to date someone who's making kinda similar money such that you're both together very freely.

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