Erotomanic stalkers can last a long time. Sometimes they're in spurts, like a few weeks of messages, but sometimes it's years. One guy would send me hour+ long voice messages on the reg, where he'd psychoanalyze me and our relationship, alternate between furious and forgiving.
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Another guy has sent an average of around three messages *every day* on every platform for almost *three years.* I don't read them, when I can't block I have a friend occasionally check to ensure he's not telling me he figured out where I live and is coming to kill me (again)
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Once I announced I was going to be at a public event and a stalker drove cross-state to try to find it. The address was private, but he drove up and down every street in the area trying to find me. Now if publicly announce my presence at an event, I usually bring a bodyguard.
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I recently moved, and received some empty registered mail at my new place, forwarded from my last place. Turns out this sends notification of forwarding address to the sender, and is how stalkers figure out where you've moved to. I didn't even know they'd *had* my last address.
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At times this has been pretty psychologically hard. If I had enough money I could probably buy security measures that take the psychological strain away, but I'm not there yet.
Occasionally it's given me really fascinating points of intense world-altering paranoia.
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Once a stalker somehow got into a really private group where I said vulnerable things, and when I realized he was in it I had a... paranoid episode? or something? where my body had muscle spasms and hyperventilation and I became *convinced* that my stalker was outside my house.
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It's also some of the most intense fear I've felt in my adult life. And it's so unlike any other threat! It feels warped, like I'm looking at an image through water; it's hard to judge what the actual risk is and I can't tell if I'm being reasonable or paranoid.
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In general, my attitude with people of ill-intent is to completely ignore them. Don't let on they exist, don't publicly acknowedge you have stalkers
But honestly this is only good advice when dealing with people who have *any* connection to reality at all. These people have none.
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For help, I've reached out to various systems (like the police or domestic abuse people), but *nobody* I've talked to has had experience with erotomanics. I've slightly better luck asking famous ppl how they handle it, but most ppl around my level of fame don't get erotomanics.
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I have taken my own precautions, but I'm not going to list them here. I will say that living in texas helps!
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Good ol Texas Castle Law.
Also, if anyone who is stalking Aella might be reading this, realize she has other stalkers, competition. Maybe do her a favor and stalk the other stalkers and eliminate the competition?
Not that you'll do it, just a thought.
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the way erotomania reasons is most likely they'll read the tweet and go "Oh, this must be an aella alt account trying to dissuade me because she can't admit to herself she really wants me and doesn't want to hurt jealous boys. How sad, don't worry, I'm here for u aella"
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Wow. I'm so sorry that you have had this happen to you. And that so many prominent women have, it sounds like.
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I’m glad you take precautions and I too have had these types of stalkers, including one woman.
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Man there’s some f’ed up people out there. Stay safe, and yes, 2nd amendment helps 😛
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Maybe the solution you’ve stumbled on here is write extremely long threads that get progressively less interesting and longer over time. Turn their stalking into a research job.
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Wow sorry to hear this, it's all too common and the help from authorities is totally inadequate. Mental healthcare is also totally inadequate as well which leaves these people in the lose with little to no chance of recovery.
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