But the result is that the sex wasn't great (not his fault! just it's super scary and awkward to have sex with someone after speaking literally 5 words to them)
Okay so - maybe have sex with someone from my extended community? An acquaintance? Recommended friend?
No, even worse
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At least with random tinder people there's compartmentalization that prevents your choice from reflecting on your status; "getting laid with a total rando in order to get off" is fine; "Aella fucked [person we all know]" is terrifying cause it exposes me to judgment via them
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I think if I had a reputation as a total slut this might be fine; "oh aella fucked [that person]? nbd she fucks everyone" = great, awesome. But if I don't have that reputation, then suddenly there's Meaning bestowed on who I bang, and there's a whole host of anxiety around that.
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I don't think this is unique to me, but rather is a common facet of how women work; while men are judged by their quantity, women are judged by their quality; me banging a lame guy is the sexual equivalent to a guy who can't get laid. Do I like this? No, but it's part of me.
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I suspect a good chunk is social conditioning; as in when I'm around communities where orgies and casual sex happen all the time, it's a bit easier for me to feel comfortable having casual sex; i think cause of common acknowledgement that if i fuck u it doesn't mean ur special
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But alas, I am not in orgy communities, and nor am I a slut, at least not lately; i think i've been averaging around one new civvie sexual partner per year for a while. The ambient sexual non-promiscuity of my culture seeping into my bones is really a bummer, man
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i just want a cute dude to hit me up, who just so happens to be into what i'm into, and he's either top tier in my community or literally nobody knows him at all, and he's smart and interesting and good at communication, then he bangs me and leaves, is that too much to ask
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Ok honestly if i bang a guy who is in the "top tier of my community" category there's a good chance i'd be down to date him too, even if it's casual. So probably if I actually want purely casual sex it'll be with a complete unknown rando. Ughhhhh
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i know it's hard for guys to get laid but it's also hard for women to get laid, just via a completely different set of problems. I would very much like to be having more sex than I currently am, it's just that most sex is not good enough to be worth having
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pretty sure
sometimes it takes a professional
kind of funny you've never tried the demand side
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They are rare, but exist.
You'd be doing your fellow professionals a service - usually, I understand, they're dealing with wealthy older women.
A wealthy younger one could be a treat, although, if they're as susceptible to your 'eldritch abomination' vibes as I am, it'd not be.
In some of my communities (centred around sex-positive intimacy, though this is European so probably a very different glavour of sex-positivity than what I hear people complain about in the US) there are a few male gigolos, and from what I hear they are very good at what they do.
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Not in Texas maybe. But probably somewhere. You might have to fly to Europe.
fwiw when i was a gay escort some the advice was to check out the competition
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