Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
Growing up, my family culture did lots of sharp joking at each other's expense, and if you didn't like it that was *your* problem for being too weak, and you were ruining people's joy. Don't you value a friendly ribbing culture? Isn't it familiar, casual, fun? 1/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
After I hit adulthood and got exposed to more loving cultures, I realized I didn't actually like the way my family operated; it caused an undercurrent of coldness and defensiveness. In rejecting it, I had to accept 'being weak' and 'ruining joy', in some way. 2/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I kinda feel like I am 'being weak' and 'ruining joy' now for other things; there's a norm of meanness across the internet that feels normal, taken for granted, part of the culture, and it just... feels bad to me. It's subtle and comes from all sides. 3/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Like subtle jokes about thank goodness the people dying from covid are republicans, or saying the harassment of annoying reporters is justified, or literally any joke you wouldn't make at the expense of someone you deeply loved. 4/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Like, the people you're poking at about are people, real human people, and you could have been born them, you could have been born into the body of a person who loved them with all their heart, you are trying to make a *real human person* experience a bit of suffering. 5/
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I'm down with criticism, in the same way you might criticize someone you deeply loved, where it comes from an attempt to understand them, to genuinely help, wanting their lives to be better. I'm also down with jokes that come from a place of love. But I'm full anti-meanness!
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Opie 🫠
@karnagraha
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I've been rejecting internet meanness, too. It still comes out of me sometimes, but it's something I'm trying to stop. And also to stop associating with people who do too much of it. It's poisonous.
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HF
@_flashman_harry
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I always found pure meanness super flawed and telling of great soul weakness / class. However, the worst meanness and most deeply depressing still must be the veiled meanness. Some hostility is to be taken for granted between people, but White Lotus level mean girls meanness 😨
NoNames
@fartknocker6942
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Sometimes humor is the best way to tell someone something crucial and flawed, sometimes it’s just used to put others down. Unfortunately you can’t always tell, the people themselves don’t recognize they’re doing it in a mean way.
cyphercat
@cyphercat85
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I’m sure they just want you to be happy. The ribbing could be meant to protect you from the nasty people in the world. Like, if you can’t take an unwanted poke here and there, how will you ever survive? Probably just lost in translation between different love languages.
David Reis
@dave_reis
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I have become extremely less mean as I aged, but my taste for meanness in comedy has not diminished one bit. In your case thr two things decreased together, it seems.
Anders Sandberg
@anderssandberg
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I find meanness off-putting. It both makes me dislike reading online comments, since each little put-down feels like a tiny jab of negativity, and reduce my respect for the people doing it, since it is a cheap trick to feel briefly superior. I don't like respecting people less.
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