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Conversation

Growing up, my family culture did lots of sharp joking at each other's expense, and if you didn't like it that was *your* problem for being too weak, and you were ruining people's joy. Don't you value a friendly ribbing culture? Isn't it familiar, casual, fun? 1/

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After I hit adulthood and got exposed to more loving cultures, I realized I didn't actually like the way my family operated; it caused an undercurrent of coldness and defensiveness. In rejecting it, I had to accept 'being weak' and 'ruining joy', in some way. 2/

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I kinda feel like I am 'being weak' and 'ruining joy' now for other things; there's a norm of meanness across the internet that feels normal, taken for granted, part of the culture, and it just... feels bad to me. It's subtle and comes from all sides. 3/

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Like subtle jokes about thank goodness the people dying from covid are republicans, or saying the harassment of annoying reporters is justified, or literally any joke you wouldn't make at the expense of someone you deeply loved. 4/

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Like, the people you're poking at about are people, real human people, and you could have been born them, you could have been born into the body of a person who loved them with all their heart, you are trying to make a *real human person* experience a bit of suffering. 5/

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I'm down with criticism, in the same way you might criticize someone you deeply loved, where it comes from an attempt to understand them, to genuinely help, wanting their lives to be better. I'm also down with jokes that come from a place of love. But I'm full anti-meanness!

7:00 PM · Apr 2, 2022

Replying to

My tolerance for meanness has gone way, way down. It's most clear in youtube videos, where a narrator puts in little jabs at someone they're talking about. It feels like it hurts me too, I just can't do it.

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You’re far kinder than most people, if what you say is true. But I think most people have to develop hard shells to make it through life. Meanness isn’t ever going to go away. It’s part of the package.

Replying to

The problem is a lot of these people genuinely seem to think bullying is being righteous because they're operating on cartoon logic where anything bad happening to the villain is automatically a good thing.

@Supreme_Owl_FTW

Replying to

I’m pro meanness as long as it’s true, or more funny than it is mean. Ideally both.

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