Growing up, my family culture did lots of sharp joking at each other's expense, and if you didn't like it that was *your* problem for being too weak, and you were ruining people's joy. Don't you value a friendly ribbing culture? Isn't it familiar, casual, fun? 1/
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After I hit adulthood and got exposed to more loving cultures, I realized I didn't actually like the way my family operated; it caused an undercurrent of coldness and defensiveness. In rejecting it, I had to accept 'being weak' and 'ruining joy', in some way. 2/
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I kinda feel like I am 'being weak' and 'ruining joy' now for other things; there's a norm of meanness across the internet that feels normal, taken for granted, part of the culture, and it just... feels bad to me. It's subtle and comes from all sides. 3/
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Like subtle jokes about thank goodness the people dying from covid are republicans, or saying the harassment of annoying reporters is justified, or literally any joke you wouldn't make at the expense of someone you deeply loved. 4/
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Like, the people you're poking at about are people, real human people, and you could have been born them, you could have been born into the body of a person who loved them with all their heart, you are trying to make a *real human person* experience a bit of suffering. 5/
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I'm down with criticism, in the same way you might criticize someone you deeply loved, where it comes from an attempt to understand them, to genuinely help, wanting their lives to be better. I'm also down with jokes that come from a place of love.
But I'm full anti-meanness!
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My tolerance for meanness has gone way, way down. It's most clear in youtube videos, where a narrator puts in little jabs at someone they're talking about. It feels like it hurts me too, I just can't do it.
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I identify with this. My family has extremely low empathy and our family humor involves saying frankly outrageous things to each other, which I think is self-reinforcing.
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my partner's family (including him) does that too and I hate it. it's very difficult to handle for me.
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Same.....took me awhile to work out there is a fine line between playful teasing and being hurtful and mean to people with sarcastic put downs.
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