3b. In contrast to the strangeness, I also strongly prefer decor that communicates "you belong here" - the feeling of being lived in, soft, handmade (collections of low-effort paintings, floor cushions), that indicates maybe you could mess up and it's fine.
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4. Dress code. Lots of people come to parties with only one foot in the door, where they're not committed to bringing all of themselves to this party. You want to encourage buy-in, so requiring a dress code (aggressively stated in the invite) is important.
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4b. Dress codes both indicate that people are taking "being here" seriously, and also make you feel unified with the rest of the group. We're all here looking dumb/cool/hot, *together.*
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4c. Good dress codes, imo, are things that are *accessible - easy to do or make
*distinct - cannot pass as 'normal clothing'
*creative - rewards novel thinking
*identity-driven - encourages something unique to the wearer
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4d. some examples of dress codes i've used in the past:
glittertrash
no-hat headwear
naked + full face masks
just naked
smutbomb
guilty pleasure (the thing youve always wanted to wear)
all-out festive
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5. Audio. I usually try to have a loud section (sometimes this is the room where dancing is happening), and then several quiet sections; I usually incorporate much less audio/music stuff than most people, because lots of talking makes things real loud anyway
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6. Odds and Ends - lots of small interactive things around the area for people to use if they want - fidget toys, low-effort games (like jenga, tarot, askhole.io), weird books or magazines, prank objects that startle you when picked up, musical instruments, etc.
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7. Party Rules - often I try things that prompt or govern behavior in some way, that can be integrated with the party itself - like "come improv as your character"
or for example recently had a party where ppl could wear up to 3 labels as color-coded wristbands around the party.
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8. If drugs, use intentionally! Having a cocktail bar (maybe with fun recipes you've printed out) makes drinking alcohol interactive/creative. If other drugs, do a little MDMA-taking ritual or whatever. Including altered states as a deliberate form of expression feels cohesive.
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9. If you're going to do any creative or physical games/exercises, do them early on to get people loosened up. Establishing 'permission to look silly' is important. Don't underestimate the importance of how much physical movement can be a social lubricant.
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My parties are what you might expect of a religious professor, but the decor, food, lighting and dress points are good. Encourage people to bring interesting drinks, show-and-tell stuff. Have lots of kids running around. Have a game room. Force people to wear name tags.
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I'd simplify this list to
1. Lighting
2. Music
3. Drugs
Always worked great for me, although I never had the breadth of friends to worry about gender/philosophy balance, and also I strictly like to include everyone (who isn't a demonstrable asswipe)
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RE: 9
Best way for permission to look silly to percolate is to have the host Lead+Invite
If there are games/events/challenge and youre hosting, lead off and bring someone! It shows its not threatening. The first is usually the hardest, so break that ice to start the flow
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. is the guru here - rely on his insights about time and experience in this space a lot. Maximising different vibes/energy levels in the party important.
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That’s actually some great advice. I normally just say come hang out and people show up. Haha
Thanks for sharing!
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Very interesting to see given I've literally never been to a party. Is this what someone typically expects? Is there a formal invitation with dress code and the like?
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Interactivity and combined challenges - make overcoming obstacles a bonding experience especially to create spontaneous interactions. For example - imagine crawling through a figurative rabbithole to get to wonderland.