Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
How I Throw Parties: A Thread (I am not the *most* experienced party-thrower, and most parties I've thrown have been for heavy nerd populations, so my strategies are targeted for this. And maybe my points are obvious to anyone who throws parties, but I like listing them anyway)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
1. The people. I try really hard to get slightly more women than men (to dampen ambient male sexual aggression) and I have a 30% max rationalist population (or in-head-nerds) target. Cast a wider net for buner/festival/authentic connection ppl to balance it out.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
2. The space. LIGHTING IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, get it good and dim and inviting. Lots of flexible spaces of varying shapes for ppl to naturally congregate. Get the food/drink out of the kitchen or else the kitchen will be 100% packed. Have big space, loud space, quiet space.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
3. The decor. Decor that makes ppl feel a bit altered is good, like you're on an adventure to a different world. I like odd pieces for conversation starters, things that are a little startling or strange, things people can point at if they don't know what else to talk about.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
3b. In contrast to the strangeness, I also strongly prefer decor that communicates "you belong here" - the feeling of being lived in, soft, handmade (collections of low-effort paintings, floor cushions), that indicates maybe you could mess up and it's fine.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
4. Dress code. Lots of people come to parties with only one foot in the door, where they're not committed to bringing all of themselves to this party. You want to encourage buy-in, so requiring a dress code (aggressively stated in the invite) is important.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
4c. Good dress codes, imo, are things that are *accessible - easy to do or make *distinct - cannot pass as 'normal clothing' *creative - rewards novel thinking *identity-driven - encourages something unique to the wearer
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
4d. some examples of dress codes i've used in the past: glittertrash no-hat headwear naked + full face masks just naked smutbomb guilty pleasure (the thing youve always wanted to wear) all-out festive
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
5. Audio. I usually try to have a loud section (sometimes this is the room where dancing is happening), and then several quiet sections; I usually incorporate much less audio/music stuff than most people, because lots of talking makes things real loud anyway
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
6. Odds and Ends - lots of small interactive things around the area for people to use if they want - fidget toys, low-effort games (like jenga, tarot, askhole.io), weird books or magazines, prank objects that startle you when picked up, musical instruments, etc.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
7. Party Rules - often I try things that prompt or govern behavior in some way, that can be integrated with the party itself - like "come improv as your character" or for example recently had a party where ppl could wear up to 3 labels as color-coded wristbands around the party.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
8. If drugs, use intentionally! Having a cocktail bar (maybe with fun recipes you've printed out) makes drinking alcohol interactive/creative. If other drugs, do a little MDMA-taking ritual or whatever. Including altered states as a deliberate form of expression feels cohesive.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
9. If you're going to do any creative or physical games/exercises, do them early on to get people loosened up. Establishing 'permission to look silly' is important. Don't underestimate the importance of how much physical movement can be a social lubricant.
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