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For a long time I was real unaware of my emotions or physical body, prolly cause it was smoother not to be. I've made huge strides since! Buut I suspect sexual/romantic attraction to people might be a thing I'm still unaware of, suppressed, because it's "smoother not to be."
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like the other day a muscular guy (stranger) walked by and my genitals were like o.o This surprised me - I don't normally feel attracted to muscles! Am I getting in touch with a suppressed thing, or is this a genuinely new interest?
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I also can't tell what is normal or weird, here. Maybe if I am subconsciously suppressing (early-stage) attraction to myself, it's cause some deep part of me believes terrible things will happen if I do not suppress it. But is that just... a standard thing for women?
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It doesn't need to be bad things. It could just be that regulating these emotions down worked very well when these habits originally formed. That was how it happened for me. You are smart, regulating emotions and finding alternative solutions was likely easy for you
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