For a long time I was real unaware of my emotions or physical body, prolly cause it was smoother not to be. I've made huge strides since! Buut I suspect sexual/romantic attraction to people might be a thing I'm still unaware of, suppressed, because it's "smoother not to be."
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like the other day a muscular guy (stranger) walked by and my genitals were like o.o
This surprised me - I don't normally feel attracted to muscles! Am I getting in touch with a suppressed thing, or is this a genuinely new interest?
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I also can't tell what is normal or weird, here. Maybe if I am subconsciously suppressing (early-stage) attraction to myself, it's cause some deep part of me believes terrible things will happen if I do not suppress it. But is that just... a standard thing for women?
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Have you heard about alexithymia? Do you think the description fits in your case?
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It may be less suppressing something and more autism. When I have sex, I struggle recognizing any sensation on my genitals unless I really focus on it. There is so much information to focus on that it just gets ignored.
