ty all the collective tweets that slowly stacked the fuel under my ass to write this post
I've been poly for a decade now and have it pretty clear in my own head, tho it might be kinda quirky cause i haven't actually read any other literature on it
aella.substack.com/p/the-polyamor
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i apologize for the email ppl who immediately got slapped with a broken first sentence
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> Maybe I’m jaded, but I think “only wanting intimacy with your partner for your entire life” is extremely, extremely rare.
Surely this is actually extremely common? Otherwise polyamory would indeed be the norm. Most people are monogamous because they genuinely want it.
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oh phew i almost thought cheating or having to resist cheating was a common experience among monogamous people for a second there
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This is a really really good post!
One thing I’ve been thinking lately is poly-as-a-spectrum. I think there’s a wide range between people who can only be happy in mono vs poly relationships, but most people see this orientation as a binary. Bi-amorous isn’t a good term, but yeah
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Hugely important distinction must be clear between “swinging” (sex w/ others / FWB) and polyamory (romantic relationships). Completely different worlds with different benefits and vastly different risks to a couple’s relationship. My gf and I “swing.” We only want romantic b/w us
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(possible) typos: "examples of healthy poly relationships going up" should be growing up?
"If everyone is polyamorous, won’t this mean a few men end up with all the women, leaving the low-status women to freeze out in the sexless cold?" Low-status men?
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Nice! I'm innately poly too. I dont have strong jealousy. But it also seems logical to my framing of love. Still I rarely desire to be with more than 1 lover. I usually describe by saying I'm "open," but it would be way simpler if I could just say poly and be understood
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my experience with polya people is that *almost no one* uses the term like this. I wish they did and I wrote a thing about this back in 2014 on FetLife that people seemed to like but unfortunately it didn't catch on. maybe this will help? 🤷
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This is great. Wife and I are just a couple months into opening after 20 years of monogamy. Been a wild ride but makes so much emotional sense to us.
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Honest question: how many poly couples with kids that actually made it together into (old) age do you know? I'm not sure that any relationship that has the ballast of everyday grind can last for long if both partners have the alternative of hormone kicks from fresh partners.
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