Which rules do you use to evaluate sexual consent? In my rape survey, I found four main rule spectrums people seemed to fall on when evaluating rapeyness.
(You can be high or low on all of them, or high on just a few)
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1. External motivation - How much motivation for the sex is not about the sex itself (e.g., getting paid, or making a partner happy) vs purely because of horniness? Some people view external motivation as clearly more consent-violatey than others.
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2. Mental capacity - how much are you aware of what you're doing and the implications, going to endorse your actions later on, are of sound mind, sober, etc.? Some people have a lot more leniency for varied mental states, and others only find a narrow range to be consentable.
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3. Conditional consent - how much is consent invalid given conditions are violated? If you consented to sex given that someone is wealthy, or uses condoms, or is of of your preferred gender, how much of a consent violation is it if they don't actually meet those conditions?
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4. Victim mentality - how much the emotional/mental state of the receiver matters to determining if consent was violated; e.g. if someone doesn't mind (or enjoys) if boundaries were pushed, how much does this impact how you evaluate the consentiness? For some people, it's a lot!
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Possibly this is close to my main and almost only way to find out when consent is broken, and that's the feeling I have for the other. Empathy.
Does the person feel well, i.e. I should strive to make this sex ours, not mine.
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